Critique Me

You're listening to the Uppercase Life, and I'm your host, Joseph Brewster. I have a confession to make. I'm kind of a sensitive person in early in my life, it was really difficult for me to take criticism. I knew that I had a lot to learn, but I was also the sort of person who ties my identity deeply into the things that I do.
So when people would say negative things about what it is I was doing, it felt like they were saying negative things about me. One of the hardest lessons to learn when you wander out into the world is what to do with everyone else's opinions about what you are and what you do. And it seemed like the popular stance of empowerment.
It just suggests that we ignore the criticism. Right. Forget what the world thinks about you. Because who cares about the haters? Right. But before we put that world on mute, let me ask you something. How much do you care about improvement? How much do you care about succeeding at these things you're trying to do? How much do you care about whether your actions are actually useful in the world and are helping those around you?
Well, you're here, right? So I think you care. That's why you found this podcast. But the hard truth is that if we ignore criticism, our progress is going to be painfully slow. The people around us have a unique perspective on us and the work we're doing. And is their view more valid than ours? Probably not. Does their view matter?
Yes. Yes, it does. And ignoring critical input is like driving your car and refusing to look at the gauges because they annoy you. It can be very useful information, and I think it's important to take into consideration. So if you're like me and you're the sensitive type or if you're easily angered, this is going to hurt. At first, but you'll get used to it.
So let's jump right in. I remember going through driver's ed classes as a teenager, and I did pretty well on the whole. I had practice driving cars a little bit before I actually got into the formal class. However, my teacher did have one particular criticism. I remember doing one of my drive times with him one day and him asking me at the end of my drive time, Do you play a lot of video games?
And I said, Yes, Why? And he just looked at me and said, You don't have to pass everyone. When I watch you drive, you seem to feel like if there's someone in front of you, you have to pass them. It just reminds me of a video game. And he was very right. I played a lot of racing games.
And so in my head, I looked at that car ahead of me and said, I need to get on the other side of them. And that criticism that he gave me stuck with me. Now, what else did he say about my driver's ed class? I don't recall. And I overall did really well. So I'm sure he complimented me on lots of things.
But the only thing I remember that guy telling me is that I drove like a video game and I don't have to pass every one on the road. And that was really useful criticism for me because it was true. My brain was program for video games. And you'll remember criticisms more than you remember compliments in many cases. So I think the way in which you give and receive criticism could be even more important than the way that you compliment someone or the positive things people say about you.
Now, obviously, we want both, right? We want people to notice the good things about us as well. So criticism isn't the only thing that helps us improve. But criticism will stick with you long after some of those compliments have died away. So how do you go about receiving criticism the right way? I bet if I asked ten of you, what would you say?
What would be a piece of advice you would give someone about taking criticism? One of the most common things people would tell you is don't take it personally. And you know that. I knew that. You're thinking about you and how you feel. And they're probably thinking about them and how they feel. We know we're not supposed to take it personally.
But that's really hard to do. And sometimes that means that we have to look at the work that we're doing. And sometimes that work is very close to our heart. And we've got to separate that from our identity in such a way that when people criticize us, we're willing to take it. And we realize they don't hate you.
They're probably sharing the criticism out of a concern, maybe even a care for you. Often a criticism is either someone trying to preserve a kind of world that they already like or to create a kind of world that they would like to have in the future. And if you think of it that way, most criticism comes from people's honest attempts to better the world.
Either you're changing something they don't want you to change or you're not changing something they feel like would be better to change. But it's usually not about you, particularly. And this is especially hard if you're somebody who works in an industry where your physical appearance is actually part of your work because you have to take criticisms. I work with models and talent and I've been on sets where I was just astounded by the things that were said to the model who we were shooting because she's being criticized or he's being criticized about their appearance.
Sometimes things they can't even change and sometimes things that are very personal. And I've watched models take that criticism with such grace that it impressed me because it's their job and they do this day in and day out. And I could see on their face that when they heard this criticism, they weren't applying it to their identity. They were just using it in the context of what the client was looking for in that scenario.
So sometimes for me, not taking it personally means recognizing the context in which the criticism is being given and the concern that triggered that criticism. It's often that the person who's saying that has a vested interest or really cares about you and the thing that you're working on, otherwise they wouldn't even bother criticizing you if you were not important at all.
They would just pass you by and not say anything. So good criticism is actually like a compliment. Someone has cared enough to stop and give you some information. And for me, at least, making a criticism of someone else's thing is actually a brave act. I don't like to criticize. So if I took the time to criticize, I must really care.
So don't take it too personally. And then secondly, respond with some grace, because whether or not the person is being polite or helpful in the moment, they're criticizing, maybe they're just being a jerk. You can choose to act with grace. You can acknowledge their criticism graciously and let them speak, because often people feel better just to know that they've been heard, even if in the end you're not going to be able to take their advice or you can't really apply their criticism practically.
But in many cases, their invites might be good if you are not too cocky or sensitive to take that advice and actually consider it. So listen, listen, with Grace and receive the criticism, and then after you do that, don't retaliate. Just take it and let it sit. Because often criticism begets criticism and sometimes it feels like the people criticizing us have no right to do that.
I mean, sometimes they're criticizing something. We're trying to do that they've never done. And maybe we're better qualified or uniquely positioned to make these choices. But that's okay. Arguing criticism is a great way to just start a fight and get back to that point number one, which is you're starting to take it personally again. And when you do, you'll respond and you'll respond personally.
And that easily leads to being offended or angry. So don't retaliate in the moment. Consider gauge your responses. Wait and listen. Odds are once they've said their piece, things will end. You'll be able to go away and think about whether or not their criticism is something valid you need to institute and you will have avoided that quick knee jerk response of defending yourself in the moment.
Be confident, be brave and bold enough to not have to always defend yourself. It's okay to be criticized, but then sometimes there are people who look like they could be critics, but they're really not. They're really trolls. And it's important to learn to tell a critic from a troll. Some people will never be happy, and the criticisms they give you are an extension of their own frustrations in life in general, or they're just up to mischief.
Some people want to see if they can provoke controversy and discourage you or just get attention. These encounters are rare. I'm going to tell you. And if you think everyone's a troll, it's probably because you're not good at taking criticism. But they do happen on occasion. Controls are real, and trolls don't usually provide any useful criticism. So how do you tell a critic from a troll?
Well, I would say trolls value amusement over improvement. They'll run you in circles for the fun of it, and they don't really care if you take their advice. As long as the experience gives them a win, they're just out to have a good time. And if they can do so by making you angry or offending you, all the better.
Because the second thing is, trolls want attention. Critics want engagement. A critic has a reason for their comments. And there's probably some logic or intent behind it. But trolls don't really need to make sense. They just want to poke you. They just want to exert some sort of control over your actions in your thoughts. And if they get attention that satisfies them.
In the more attention you give them, the better. And that's why they continue to troll you. So engage with critics and ignore trolls, because really, the information the trolls are giving you in the end aren't about you or your work. They may not even be about them. They're just messing with you. And we don't have time to be troll, but we do have time to be criticized.
And those criticism arms are things that will help us if we can take them humbly, if we can think them through reasonably and we can react graciously to them. I encourage you seek out critique. Critique will help you improve so much faster than compliments. Although, again, I understand we need both. So with that in mind, I'm inviting you.
Critique me. What is it you like or dislike about this channel? Maybe there's something about the way that these episodes are recorded. Maybe there's something about my voice or the music that I'm using that you feel like could be improved. Maybe you just don't like it. I'm saying go ahead. Tell me what you think. Criticize me. I want to hear it.
Maybe you have some really good advice. Your insights are unique. My insights are unique. And I need both yours and mine. And in the end, I might not take your suggestion, but that criticism can still be constructive. I said it. I invited you to criticize. Now tell me what you really think, and I'll see you next time.